Looking for a job-Should I tell my potential employer I stutter?

Happy New Year to all. Hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable New Year's Eve. I watched Dick Clark every year for the sake of tradition. I couldn't help but to admire this man who had a stroke. He was working so diligently at pronouncing his words and being understood. I was so glad to see him on TV. After all, what is New Year's Eve without Dick Clark?

I have recently gotten many calls from adults out of work. It is a tough economy and my heart goes out to those who are suffering. My husband was out of work several years ago and it was a very difficult time in our lives. Many have asked me my opinion disclosing the fact they stutter on an initial or phone interview. I thought I would share a story with you concerning my second job after I received my masters degree many years ago.
I will start off with my first job out of school. When I graduated in 1992, there were more jobs than speech pathologists. I interviewed at UCP and got to the interview two hours early. I went into a coffee shop and literally breathed for two hours. The precision of my speech tools was still rough at that time so I knew my fluency would be shaky at best. When I went into the room I was approached by two women (two was always harder than one). They seemed very pleasant and when I started to answer their questions, I started blocking. I immediately explained that I stutter and had to use certain tools to talk. I was so nervous that I can't say if I used my fluency tools of easy onsets and continuous phonation, but the self disclosure improved my fluency. They said they wanted to do outreach on stuttering for preschool children and liked my experience with developmentally delayed adults. They offered me the job two days later. It was a wonderful experience. My colleagues knew I stuttered and respected me for it. At that time I was dating my husband and he lived up in Binghamton ( I lived on LI). The strain of a long distance relationship was starting to become difficult so I decided to move upstate after 4 months of working and look for a job. As I said, at that time there were many speech jobs. I sent out resumes and had 3 interviews set up within two weeks. I interviewed at a few places and was hired by a rehabilitation site. It sounded like a great opportunity. They treated children and adults with other speech pathologists on staff who seemed supportive and educated. I thought it would be a terrific learning environment. One huge problem, I was fluent on this interview and never even thought to mention my stuttering. I quickly moved upstate and starting working. I should mention that the woman who interviewed me was a SLP who had worked in the field for over 12 years. Everything was fine until my mother n law unfortunately became very ill with cancer. My then fiance had to spend many days on LI with his mother and I was alone in a strange city and a new job. Within a few weeks, my stuttering increased and I started to have difficulty maintaining fluency during speech and language evaluations with parents. Yes, it is true-I stuttered during these evaluations. Looking back I should have been open and honest with these parents, but I still was experiencing shame about stuttering. One day I got called into my boss' office. I will call this woman Anna. Anna abrubtly told me that two parents had inquired about my stuttering and it would not be tolerated. I told her I stuttered and was trying to work on my fluency. I also told her my future mother n law was terminal and it was very stressful. She told me that this was a for profit rehabilitation facility and they would not tolerate losing money. I looked at her and promised that I would try to improve my fluency.(this was ridiculous because I was selling my sole to the devil so to speak) This was the beginning of what I now call mental and verbal abuse, but also a very painful situation I learned from. She kept harrassing me and telling me I had to be fluent. She always made sure her office door was closed and we were alone when she spoke to me. Guess what? As you might have guessed my fluency decreased. I decided to practice 45 minutes a day and I will say after a month it really helped. My easy onsets and full breaths were back and my fluency improved. Anna was always testing me, but I did excel. She would come to school district meetings with me and listen to my fluency. I was very fluent and also spoke very well. I was not going to let her win. No Way!!!!! The situtations that were hardest for me were weekly department meetings because I felt like the speech pathologists were always judging my expertise based upon how fluent I was. At that time, I had a supervisor for my clinical fellowship year (this is needed to get your permanent license). This woman was always being pressured by Anna to make sure I was fluent. I would have left sooner but I promised myself I would finish and get my permanent license no matter what. To make a very long story short, I became permanently licensed, married my husband, and my mother n law unfortunately passed away before we got married. (That was worse than any stuttering).

When I got back from my honeymoon, my supervisory period was almost over. My immediate supervisor told me Anna was bad mouthing me while I was gone but knew I could invoke the American Disability Act if she fooled around with termination related to stuttering. I had talked to a lawyer at that point and didn't hide the fact. A month later I became permanently licensed and interviewed at Boces by a wonderful special education administrator named Elaine. She hired me on the spot. I was mostly fluent during this interview, but had learned my lesson. I said that I wasn't sure if she noticed that I stuttered, but wanted her to know it is the reason I became a speech pathologist. I also added that it didn't interfere with my job. She looked at me with warm compassion and said she wasn't worried and figured that was why I chose the profession. She also said it was why she was hiring me. I worked there for over a year before I moved back to LI. I went to meetings, worked with children who stutter, had articulation issues and learning disabilities. I have to say this woman was wonderful to work for. She had compassion I had never seen before. I went to meetings and spoke not only fluently, but effectively. Did I ever stutter? Sure I did, but I wasn't ashamed of it.

In conclusion, we have to accept who we are. I do suggest educating your interviewer on the fact that you stutter, but I also don't suggest dwelling on it. They are there to here what you can offer their company. I will never work for or with anyone again who doesn't accept me for who I am. I do not and will not judge my self worth on how fluent my speech is, however, I learned that I wanted to be as fluent as I could be. That is why I never gave up. This is why I teach more fluency shaping tools than stuttering modification tools. I am open to whatever helps my clients, but I don't think you should think that improved fluency isn't possible. This is why I talk to the teens especially projecting their voice with confidence, densitizing themselves to talking on the phone and education their parents and friends. I try to give all children and adults an increased sense of self worth and control of their lives. I hope I can provide postitive memories of successful speaking situations. Anyway, you are probably tired of hearing me lecture by now. I would love to hear from others regarding this topic. Again, happy and healthy New Year to you and your family. I look forward to reading your comments as always.

International Stuttering Awareness Day-Oct. 22, 2009

FREE initial consultations for the month of Oct for children, teens and adults who stutter in honor of International Stuttering Awareness Day. Please also check out www.stutteringhomepage.com, www.stutteringhelp.org for additional information.

Have you ever pushed a word out so hard you felt like you could pass out? I often wonder why people who stutter do this. Today I exercised for the first time in a while. I walked two miles with a friend. I really had to push myself. Yet, people who stutter push, run out of breath and then keep pushing.

It is so wonderful to not have to push words out but the tendency is still there after all these years. Hopefully the tendency will be there to push myself to exercise. Interesting how life is.

Fluency Coaches

Atttention all school aged children 9 and older and teens who stutter. We are now starting fluency coaches. This is where a child or teen who has been in speech therapy with me for 4 months or more becomes a mentor to another child starting out. It will help with fluency practice, confidence in speaking in general and support. We will be assigning our first coaches this week. Look forward to having more teens and children who stutter join this program. Please post a comment if you have any thoughts or questions on stuttering in general.

The hardest thing about being a parent is.............

The hardest thing about being a parent is letting your children find their own way. I wrote a previous post on an interesting stuttering situation with a teen. My 15 year old daughter, who does not stutter, has been working so hard in school. She is a bright girl and I am proud of her, but as a mother can't help worrying about her lack of sleep and constant studying. I know many parents reading this are laughing saying how can you worry about a child studying too much??? I guess I don't want to see her stressed out at a young age. I know she will do well but want her to enjoy the social parts of life too. So I have had to back off and let her be. Not easy. It is the same when you provide speech therapy for your child and you think they aren't trying hard to be fluent. Sometimes you have to back off and let them find their way. Start by asking them what they want out of speech therapy? How does stuttering impact them? How do THEY feel when they have practiced for hours and the tools don't seem to be effective? Maybe reflect, oh that must be so frustrating for you. How can I help? Do you want to write this down and talk to your speech therapist about this? Then once you do this you can talk about how to improve the situation. I don't know all the answers about parenting, but I know PWS need encouragement, follow up, understanding, practice and support.

*****Also, there is an interesting blog post on Sept. 24 by Pam Mertz, a covert PWS. Check it out.
www.stutterrockstar.wordpress.com

Fortune 52 honor-Please seek help for your children

Practice groups are coming. Tonight I was honored by the Long Island Press at the Tilles Center. It was a big honor and I can't thank Steven Kaufman enough for nominating me. If anyone would have told me I would be honored when I was younger and suffering from severe stuttering, I would have gotten very angry. I never thought I would be able to answer a phone, let alone be honored. Please bring your kids for speech therapy and remember they don't have to struggle. Let me help them try and improve fluency and communication. Here is the link for those of you who haven't read the interview yet.
http://www.longislandpress.com/2009/09/02/lori-melnitsky/

Back to school

Please contact me for fluency practice group times for school aged children and teens. Some prior therapy needed but that can be discussed to meet your child's needs.


Check out Pam Mertz's blog on covert stuttering. I have learned alot from it as I am not a covert PWS but many of my clients are.
www.stutterrockstar.wordpress.com

Fortune 52 Nomination LI Press

Sorry I haven't finished the speech therapy advice. I got very sidetracked with school starting.
*******************************Big News******************

I was nominated for a wonderful award. To read more, please read:
http://www.longislandpress.com/2009/09/02/lori-melnitsky/

I never thought when I was young and severely stuttering I would be nominated for an award like this. tk you for everything.

IMPROVED FLUENCY THROUGH STUTTER FREE SPEECH-DAY 2

Day 2
Can you feel your diaghram expand? This takes lots and lots of practice. It is hard to feel. Don't get discouraged. It will get easier. I want you to keep doing it throughout the day. Try this sitting in a chair, standing up, or lying on the floor. Imagine a balloon expanding in you. Do it at work, on the subway, at home and as often as you can. Just not in speaking situations yet. You are not ready. Tune in tommorrow for more. If your are breathing with your shoulders raised, then this will produce tension. Breathe like you are inhaling through a long tube below your lungs.

IMPROVED FLUENCY THROUGH STUTTER FREE SPEECH DAY 1

Day one tune ups:

1. Practice complete breath target twenty minutes. Formally feel the diaphram expand. Practice throughout the day. 4 important steps to follow:

1. Let out residual air.
2. Take in slow relaxed deep brath.
3. Slowly let out air.
4. start process over.

This is vital for fluency. Tune in tomorrow.

You can become increasingly fluent with hard work and intensive therapy. I did it. YOu can too

Intensive fluency Programs-Do they work?

ok-it's Sunday and I have time to write-so hear goes.

Let me give you some important background on me. I BELIEVE in intensive fluency for teens and adults, even though I fell on my face the first few times I did it and paid thousands of dollars. I don't recommend it for all the clients I see. I customize for each one. Having said this-why do I believe so strongly in it?

I believe especially for moderate to severe people who stutter, it is important to feel fluency fast and with support. The reason why I failed is because the first few programs I took didn't deal with emotions, fears and shame I had being a person who stutters. So for example, I came home almost 99% fluent, but had never raised my hand in school ( I was in college then). So I tried to talk in class. After all, I had the tools. So I raised my hand, and my fear shot to my larynx. I blocked. Ok, so in my mind, I failed. After all I had just taken this three week course and was told I should be fluent. Unfortunately, the negative experiences started to build again. I had one friend who stuttered who took the course with me. She is a SLP too. We both started having the same experiences and both crashed. How could this be. We are both bright, driven and ambitious people. Did we miss something? We reviewed all the mechanics and still were going downhill. To make a long story short, it took us about 15 years of going back and doing refreshers with various SLPs until we found a few who realized the power of uncovering layers of fear, guilt and shame. As a result, I think I know how to teach effective fluency skills with great results. What does that mean? It means that fluency strategies can only be taught with committment, hard work, sacrifices and support. One must practice often and daily, read what I have read myself and recommend on overcoming fear and increasing self esteem, talk to other people who stutter almost daily and never ever give up. I will provide you with support. I can promise you that! I can also tell you, your stuttering will decrease. How much? That will depend on how much you follow the program and how much you are willing to sacrifice to achieve fluency. I just figured out how to use YOU Tube-so watch for my clip. It can be done. I did it!! I did it the hard way, I hope I can help you do it with less frustration and increased satisfaction. tks again for taking the time to read thi

Stuttering-Basic facts and Review for Parents of children who stutter

Hi everyone-
Again, I am so pleased to be getting more people interested in my blog. Just a few reminders for parents of children who stutter.

1. Most important, Parents are not to blame for their child stuttering. The exact cause is unknown, although, there are several environmental factors listed below that often help decrease stuttering.
2. Don't interrupt or say take a deep breath and slow down.-this will often increase stuttering.
3. Try and slow down your rate of speech (not the child's rate of speech). The best way to do this is pause often.
4. Try to not ask too many questions-for ex: instead of saying "What did you do in school?", say casually I wonder if you went outside today. This will give the child a chance to answer on their own.
5. Also, remember more boys than girls stutter. (3 to 1 ratio)
6. Stuttering often runs in families.
7. SINCE WE DO NOT KNOW WHICH CHILDREN WILL GROW OUT OF STUTTERING, IT IS VITAL TO SEEK OUT A SPEECH PATHOLOGIST WITH STUTTERING EXPERTISE FOR AN EVALUATION!!
8. If as a parent you find yourself frustrated with your child, it is best to walk away and write your feelings down in a journal. It is important for the child to not see this frustration on your face. Just like it is not your fault that they stutter, it is not the child's fault either. We don't want them feeling ashamed at a young age or any age for that matter. People who do stutter throughout their lives often live full and productive lives. After all, I do and I stutter. Please e-mail me with any questions. Remember additional information can be found on my website www.allislandspeech.com, www.westutter.org, www.stutteringhelp.org.
You can also e-mail directly at Lori@allislandspeech.com

Hope this helps!! Best, Lori

Teen stuttering -effective fluency programs available

We had our teen meeting last night and it was a great success. We had a great time playing stuttering jeopardy. I am proud to say that my clients won!! Yeah!! (not that I am competitive at all-LOL).

Parents often ask me why children and teens can't get stuttering therapy in the schools. I agree that they should but truth be told even if they were approved, they would be seen in a group with a variety of disorders. Caseloads in the schools are getting larger with more involved children needing help. Just like it is often necessary to hire a tutor, it is also necessary to seek a speech pathologist specializing in fluency therapy.

I have designed a program to be done in an intensive manner with monthly follow up. I have seen wonderful results with increased fluency. It involves alot of practice, but the skills I teach combined with confidence strategies to conquer public speaking and phone fears, to name a few, are highly effective. They are skills I wish I had when I was in high school. I went through school fearing stuttering and never raising my hand. I don't want anyone to suffer the same fealings of shame and isolation.

i would love to hear from any parents or school SLPs if they have had success getting therapy in the schools and if it was able to be done on an individuals basis. tks for reading. If you are teen, please e-mail me and come to our National Stuttering Association teen meetings. Also, please join the NSA (www.westutter.org). It is non-profit and a great organization.

Keep coming back-it will eventually be effective

HI-
I wanted to follow up on a previous comment I received from Rob. It is true that the first time you try fluency therapy (and I recommend intensive therapy especially for moderate to severe people who stutter), it might be difficult to use. I can tell you from experience that if you keep going back to try and improve. you will become more fluent!

Advice needed-please!!

Hi-
If you have been reading my blog, I think I have an interesting story to tell. I would like to contact a local reporter and have them write a story about me. For some of you who are new-I stuttered severely when I was young and am recovering from stuttering. Stuttering no longer stops me and I became a speech pathologist. I did suffer discrimination when I was young. I specialize in stuttering and need help spreading the word that help is available and effective for people who stutter. Any help would be appreciated. Tks

The Road Less Travelled

One of my favorite books is The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck. It is a great book for personal fulfillment and self growth as well as highly recommended reading. Let me know your thoughts on this or any other self help book you feel is worth recommending.

I also have always loved the title. I definitely took the road less travelled in my professional life. After being an accountant for five years and not feeling satisfied, I went back to school for my masters in speech pathology. How strange was that? I stuttered severely and couldn't even say my own name. I had been through speech therapy with fluency only lasting a few days. I hadn't even heard of the concept of acceptance at that time and was always hiding my stuttering. The word "stutter" would bring chills to my spine. I was petrifed about sounding different. However, I had a strong drive to help people and had witnessed my father work as a pharmacist despite his stuttering. I also have a wonderful friend who stutters who was completing her speech degree at that time. I have and continue to admire her courage as she failed public speaking twice due to her stuttering and never gave up. She is a speech pathologist today and continues to be my dear friend and someone I admire for her strength and courage.

I thought I would talk about acceptance and then recovery. I never know the right words to use. Is it recovery from stuttering? Is it overcoming stuttering? Not sure, but the important thing is the outcome. My stuttering was always like spinning a roulette wheel. You never knew what would come out. I would go through somewhat fluent periods and then it would come back full force. I didn't like the lack of control. My stuttering pattern changed often and I was truthfully exhausted thinking about it all the time. About 5 years ago, I started to feel like a failure. No one could understand why. After all, at that time, I was a speech pathologist for over 10 years, had two beautiful daughters and a supportive husband. However, I still was switching words, petrified of public speaking and embarrassed by my stuttering. So, slowly I decided to "come out" and not hide anymore. There was the acceptance piece but then I decided to strive towards "recovery" because I was still stuttering alot and felt so much tension in my larnyx. By that time, I had years of fluency shaping therapy behind me but little involving the cogntive aspects of stuttering. I wanted it all and wasn;t giving up until I found inner peace. Over the last 5 years, I read numerous self help books, got involved in the National Stuttering Association (great organization, www.westutter.org), started to use my fluency shaping tools and to my delight found they worked often. I had to practice and go for some additional speech therapy, but honestly practicing with others who used the same tools I did helped the most.

I can now pick up the phone without fear, go into a doctor's office and communicate, talk into a microphone and spread the word about stuttering treatment and work with wonderful clients who stutter. I still do stutter at times, but when I use my tools I am more fluent than not. I have no shame of stretching out a word or using an easy onset. It is so much better than stuttering. If I do stutter, I move on and don't beat myself up. This is what I can offer you as a speech therapist. I do recommend fluency shaping tools along with overcome feared situations. There is help available and I truly believe in therapy I provide. So, did I recover from stuttering, overcome stuttering or just find the right mix of what I feel works? Who knows what the right terminology is. What is important is what I have accomplished and what I have learned on this journey to help people who stutter become more fluent!! If that is your goal, it can be done!! Never give up!

Summer intensive or group therapy

Please contact me if you are interested in summer or group therapy. With practice and support, you can DEFINITELY improve fluency. It takes committment and dedication and changing attitudes. Contact Lori in Plainview, NY 516-776-0184

A Speech Pathologist who is a recovering person who stutters? Is it possible?

Not only is it possible, the field of stuttering was started by speech paths who stutter? I so wish when I was younger that I had a speech pathologist who stuttered. No one can understand how difficult it is to not say your own name, to be laughed out while ordering or relate to the fear of talking.

I never thought when I was younger I would be able to be so grateful to have a trait that has enabled me to help so many others. I am grateful that I can talk to children, teens and adults who stutter and say "I know exactly what you are feeling" and help ia available. I can model what I teach and show that it is successful. I can also show that every once in a while I stutter and the world won't all apart. My hat goes off to all the speech pathologists who stutter. I recommend listening to www.stuttertalk.com, which is lead by Peter Reitzes, a SLP who stutters and Eric Jackson, a grad student who stutters. It is a great inspiration.

I also recommend you follow my website as I will be putting before and after video clips of myself. It is worth listening to. I have overcome fear and severe stuttering.

Does acceptance mean not striving for fluency enhancement?

Hi everyone-
I have come to realize that acceptance means different things to different people. To me,it means accepting that I might always stutter but practicing and never giving up my quest to improve. Why? because I like being as fluent as I can be. It is what I teach my clients (the more intensive the better-I will be offering more intensive courses so please inquire-for those of you who don't know I took the same course as John Stossel and Annie Glenn ). Also, an added tidbit-Annie Glenn went for years of speech therapy following her 3 week course in Virginia as did I. I follow a similar fluency shaping philosophy with a little attitude kicked in. I am hoping to be able to offer a group intensive in the future. I just need teens or adults who will commit. Anyway, I know others choose to stutter openly and accept in that way. My only concern is that the constant pushing of words out can be exhausting and with slight modifications this can be worked on. Thanks for reading and all questions or comments welcome. Have a good night! Also, thank you to all the parents, teens and grad students who attended our first annual TWST (Teens who stutter) support group meeting of the National Stuttering Association. We welcome all new members. It was a terrific group and I was honored to be a part of it. I want to also thank my co-leader Dr. Jason Davidow of Hofstra University and my adult co-leader Steven Kaufman for all their support and for reminding all of us that stuttering does not have to stop you from saying what you want!!!